How to Let Go of the Things That Are Holding You Back - Ms. Otelia's Corner

Letting go of the past, especially from a partnership that ended years ago, can be challenging. Unresolved feelings can still resurface, and it's important to address them for your emotional well-being. Here’s how you can grieve and forgive yourself without involving friends, or family, or relying on your current partnership.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
• Give Yourself Permission to Feel: Accept that it’s okay to have lingering emotions about the past, even after many years. It’s natural, and acknowledging these feelings is the first step towards healing.
2. Reflect on the Past
• Mental Reflection: Take time to think about the partnership. Reflect on the good and the bad moments, and understand how they have shaped you without needing to write them down unless you are a person who enjoys journaling.
3. Create a Ritual
• Symbolic Closure: Create a personal ritual to symbolize letting go of the past. This could involve something as simple as lighting a candle.  While the candle burns think about the things you want to let go of and envision the closure of this chapter.

How to Forgive Yourself

1. Understand Self-Forgiveness
• Recognize It’s a Process: Forgiving yourself is a journey. It’s about accepting that you did the best you could with the knowledge and resources you had at the time.
2. Self-Compassion
• Be Kind to Yourself: Treat yourself with the compassion you would offer a friend. Acknowledge your mistakes and understand that they are part of being human.
3. Identify and Challenge Negative Thoughts
• Recognize Self-Blame: Pay attention to any negative self-talk. When you blame or criticize yourself, challenge those thoughts with positive affirmations or factual statements.

Practical Steps to Move Forward

1. Focus on the Present
• Stay Mindful: Practice mindfulness to stay grounded in the present. Meditation or deep breathing exercises can help you focus on the here and now.  As for myself, I could never get the hang of meditation so it’s the deep breathing for me.
2. Strengthen Your Independence
• Invest in Yourself: Focus on your personal growth and self-improvement. Engage in activities that make you feel good and help you build confidence.
• Explore Hobbies: Find hobbies or activities you enjoy that can provide a sense of fulfillment and distraction.
3. Seek Professional Help
• Consider Therapy: If unresolved feelings bother you, consider talking to a therapist. They can provide a safe space to explore your emotions and offer strategies to help you move forward. I never thought about therapy until recently, of course, I will keep you updated.
4. Focus on Physical Health
• Exercise: Physical activity is a great way to boost your mood and energy levels. Regular exercise or any movement can help you feel stronger and more in control.
• Eat Something: Nourishing your body with healthy foods or as I believe any food can positively impact your emotional well-being.
5. Set New Goals
• Plan for the Future: Think about what you want to achieve personally and professionally. Setting new goals gives you something to look forward to and can provide a sense of direction.

Letting go of the past, especially from a long-past partnership, can be challenging. Remember, it’s okay to feel these emotions, and it’s important to address them for your emotional well-being. By acknowledging your feelings, practicing self-compassion, focusing on your independence, and seeking professional help if needed, you can find peace and move forward with your life. Most importantly remember this is all about you. 

Making Better Choices: Simple Ways to Use Discernment Every Day - Ms. Otelia's Corner

In our last discussion on "Decoding and Understanding Discernment," we looked into how we can make smarter decisions by understanding the challenges we face. Now, as I confront a significant decision myself, I find it natural to question if I'm choosing wisely. I often think about how my choices will affect others and consider my responsibility for their well-being. This also makes me wonder: have they considered how their decisions affect me?

With these ethical considerations in mind, I want to share some straightforward strategies I am currently using to refine this essential skill.

1. Pay Attention to Your Choices - Improving our decision-making starts with awareness. I try to be mindful of the choices I make every day. Instead of keeping a detailed record, I reflect on significant decisions after I've made them, thinking about why I made them and their outcomes. This practice helps me see patterns and think about what I might want to adjust moving forward.
2. Listen to Different Opinions - I try to listen to different viewpoints. Talking with people who think differently than I do or reading different materials helps me gain new perspectives. This is crucial for understanding complex issues and making informed choices.
3. Keep Learning – I constantly seek out new learning opportunities, whether it’s through online classes, workshops, or educational videos, to keep my mind sharp.
4. Practice Being Mindful - To calm my mind and clear my thoughts, I engage in embroidery and mindfulness practices like deep breathing. I tried meditation, but it was not for me. I am currently exploring guided imagery exercises and where to find them.
5. Try Out What You Learn - Applying theoretical knowledge to real-life situations is very important. I've promised myself to use what I am learning when making decisions, whether it’s in personal discussions, managing my finances, or in professional settings.
6. Think About What’s Right - I must consider what’s fair and right, not just what is best for me. I reflect on how my choices may affect others and how they align with my values, but ultimately, I have to make the best choice for myself. This approach ensures that my decisions are ethical and considerate.
7. Understand Others Better – Being sensitive to both my emotions and those of others helps me make better choices. I strive to be more empathetic, listen actively, and consider the effects of my actions on others, but ultimately, I must make the best decision for myself.

It’s all about navigating life’s challenges with a clearer mind and a steadier hand.

I’m curious to hear about your experiences with these strategies. Have you encountered any challenges? Let’s discuss and learn from each other in the comments below.