Remembering our Grandmother. Bessie (née Morton) Johnson 1908-1932

Today Marks the 93rd Anniversary of the death of our Grandmother, Bessie (née Morton) Rominger Turrentine Johnson

Bessie (1908 – June 17, 1932) was the daughter of Novele Morton Rominger (1896–1924) and Ed Rominger (1870–1945). She was one of six children and part of a generation shaped by both hardship and hope.

Her siblings were:

• Edna (1912–1999)

• Fred (1914–1987)

• Mary Jane (1916–1993)

• Clinton (1920–1973)

• A sibling who died in childbirth in 1922

• Dora (1924–1950)

Bessie married Roosevelt Turrentine on March 27, 1929, in Halifax, Virginia, and they had one daughter, Lucille “Lucy” (1927–2004). She later married Troy Johnson on June 19, 1930, in Danville, Virginia, and they had one daughter, Ella Louise Thompson (née Johnson, 1928–2003).

Ella was just five years old when Bessie passed away in 1932. Losing her mother at such a young age left a lasting wound that she carried throughout her life. The absence of Bessie’s presence—her guidance, protection, and love—was deeply felt and often reflected in the way Ella spoke of her mother’s memory. Even without many stories passed down, the grief that followed Bessie’s passing speaks volumes about the love and importance she held in her family’s heart.

Bessie’s legacy continues through her grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and great-great-grandchildren, who carry forward the memory of her life and lineage.

Remembering Our Mother on the 97th Anniversary of her Birthday - Ms. Otelia's Corner

Today, we celebrate what would have been the 97th birthday of our beloved mother, born in 1928 in a little town called Shakerag in North Carolina. Her early life was shaped by loss and resilience. After her mother, Bessie Johnson, passed away in 1935, she was lovingly raised by her aunts, uncles, and grandfather. From them, she learned strength, kindness, and the value of community — lessons that stayed with her throughout her life.

On May 5, 1953, she married our father, Ren, and together they began building a life grounded in love and perseverance. Their time together was cut short when our father passed in 1968, leaving her to raise their seven children on her own. But even in the face of unimaginable hardship, she never wavered.

Her strength wasn’t flashy — it was quiet, steady, and deep. Despite financial struggles, our home was filled with what mattered most. My mother’s resourcefulness ensured we never felt we were lacking. She had that rare gift of “making a way out of no way,” and she taught us, by example, how to do the same.

She leaned on her faith, often turning to Psalm 91 — the Psalm of Protection. Its promises offered her real strength and direction, and to this day, its words echo in my heart during difficult times.

Her ability to manage limited resources was nothing short of miraculous. She could turn the simplest ingredients into delicious meals that filled our home with warmth. With her sewing machine, she turned bits of fabric into beautiful outfits and made us feel like the richest children in the world.

But her love didn’t stop at our family. Our home was open — a safe place for anyone in need. Whether it was a neighbor, a friend, or a relative passing through, she welcomed them with grace and compassion. She didn’t just raise her children — she nurtured a community.

Reflecting on her life, my heart swells with pride and humility. She never asked for recognition. Her reward was in our laughter, our safety, our futures. The values she lived by — strength, faith, generosity, and dignity — are still with us. They show up in the way we carry ourselves, in the way we love, and in the way we endure.

Although she passed in 2003, her legacy continues to inspire us. She showed us that even in the hardest moments, love and faith can turn struggle into strength, and lack into abundance.

Happy Birthday, Momma.
We love you.
We miss you.
And we carry you with us — always.

 

When You Love Someone But Can’t Step In: It’s Not That I Don’t Care — I Just Know I Can’t Fix It - Ms. Otelia's Corner

 Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is nothing.

To love someone deeply, care fiercely, and still realize: this isn’t mine to fix.

We’re taught to show up, speak up, do something — and often, that’s the right thing. But there are moments when silence isn’t avoidance, and stepping back isn’t the same as walking away.

Sometimes we go quiet not because we don’t care, but because we care so much that we know our words won’t help.
We know advice might come out wrong.
We know forcing solutions might cause more harm.
We know the moment calls for space — not action.

This doesn’t mean we’ve stopped loving or listening.
It means we’ve recognized a boundary between support and control, between presence and pressure.

Being there doesn’t always mean being involved.
Sometimes it means holding the door open from a distance.
Praying in silence.
Letting someone know: I’m here, just not in the way you might expect.

This kind of quiet support is harder than it looks. It takes restraint. Maturity. Faith.
And sometimes it’s misunderstood — because people assume silence means indifference.
But if you’ve ever stood on the edge of someone else’s storm, hands tied, heart aching, you know:
Sometimes love is letting go of the urge to fix.

So if you’re staying quiet in a situation because there’s nothing more you can do — that’s not failure.
That’s wisdom.
That’s trust.
That’s love showing up in its most patient form.

Delicate Issues in New Relationships: Ms. Otelia's Corner

In the journey of building new relationships, we often encounter small hurdles that test our patience and understanding. It's crucial to reflect on how we would want to be treated in similar situations. Imagine you're getting to know someone who could potentially be your soulmate, but there are minor issues like their work clothes carrying an odor or differences in morning routines. Before making any hasty decisions, it's important to ask yourself: would you want someone to give up on you for things that can be easily corrected? Have you ever been in a similar situation? Let's delve into this topic.

Empathy plays a significant role in how we handle delicate situations in relationships. Consider how you would feel if the roles were reversed. Would you appreciate patience and understanding from your partner? This perspective can guide you in addressing issues with kindness and empathy.

Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of any strong relationship. When facing minor issues, it's important to discuss them openly but sensitively. Ask your partner how they would prefer to handle such situations and share your feelings and preferences as well.

Think back to any past experiences where you faced similar challenges. How were they resolved? What did you learn from those situations? Sharing these experiences with your partner can be a great way to find common ground and solutions.

Engage your partner in a conversation about these topics. Ask them, "Have you ever faced a situation where small issues were blown out of proportion? How did you handle it?" This can lead to a deeper understanding of each other's perspectives and approaches to problem-solving.

In the early stages of a relationship, it's important to weigh the significance of minor issues against the potential of what the relationship could become. Patience, understanding, and open communication are key in navigating these challenges. By not giving up over small correctable issues, you give the relationship a chance to grow and deepen. Remember, the strongest relationships are often those that have weathered and overcome such early hurdles together.

Disclaimer: The scenarios and discussions presented in this blog are purely fictional and intended for illustrative purposes only. They are not based on any specific individuals or real-life events. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. This content is designed to provide general insights and should not be taken as professional advice for personal situations.

The Paradox of Family Gatherings: Navigating Love and Tension in Family Relationships - Ms. Otelia's Corner

Ah, family gatherings. The mere mention of these words conjures up many emotions—love, warmth, nostalgia, tension, awkwardness, and sometimes, downright dread. It's a paradox that many of us grapple with: We may not always like our family, but we often find ourselves yearning for those moments of togetherness. So, let's talk about it and explore why families who may not always get along still want to come together.

The Dichotomy of Family Relationships
Family is a complex web of relationships, each with its own set of expectations, histories, and emotional baggage. While family members share a bond of love and kinship, they also share stress and conflict. It's not uncommon to hear someone say, "I love my family, but I don't like them." This dichotomy exists because family relationships are not just built on love but also on shared experiences—both good and bad.
 
The Love Factor
The love we feel for our family is often unconditional. It's a love that exists without any expectations or conditions. This love is what pulls us to family for holidays, birthdays, and other family gatherings. It's the glue that keeps the family unit intact, even when individual relationships within that unit may be strained.
 
The Role of the Matriarch
Often, the matriarch of the family serves as the magnet that draws everyone together. Her presence is like a warm heart that everyone gravitates towards. For many, attending family gatherings may have been primarily to see her, to bask in her love and wisdom. Her role as the emotional anchor and mediator is deeply felt, especially when she is no longer there. Her absence can significantly alter the dynamics and relationships within the family, exacerbating existing tensions or creating new ones.
 
The Dislike Factor
On the flip side, the very intimacy that makes family relationships special can also make them fraught. The close quarters and long histories mean that family members often know exactly how to push each other's buttons. Old grudges resurface, and personality clashes become more apparent. This aspect of family life makes us dread the next family gathering.
 
The Desire for Togetherness
Despite the conflicts and tensions, there's an inherent desire for family togetherness. This yearning is often fueled by nostalgia—a longing for simpler times when the family felt like a sanctuary. Additionally, society’s norms and cultural expectations often emphasize the importance of family, compelling us to make the effort to come together, even when it's difficult.
 
The Role of Rituals
Family gatherings often involve rituals—be it a traditional holiday meal, a yearly vacation, a reunion, or even a simple Sunday dinner. These rituals provide a sense of continuity and belonging, making the challenges of family dynamics easier to navigate.
The paradox of family gatherings is a testament to the complexities of human relationships. While family can be a source of immense love and support, it can also be a source of stress and conflict. Yet, the desire for togetherness often outweighs the challenges, drawing us back to the family fold time and time again. It's a complicated dance, but most of us are willing to participate in it, for better or worse.
So, the next time you find yourself dreading a family gathering, remember that it's okay to have mixed feelings. Embrace the complexities, and who knows, you might just find that the family gathering you were dreading turns out to be the one you needed the most.
 
How do you navigate the complexities of family gatherings? Do you have any tips or coping mechanisms that have helped you in maintaining a balance between love and dislike within your family? We'd love to hear from you!

Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

Reference:  "Dichotomy." Vocabulary.com, Vocabulary.com, September 2, 2023 https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/dichotomy.

Embracing Emotional Distance in Relationships | Ms. Otelia's Corner

            In the intricate tapestry of our lives, relationships play an undeniable role. They color our world with hues of joy, empathy, and growth. Yet, there comes a time when we must learn the art of loving people from a distance, meeting them where they are—whether the connection starts to wane or perhaps they never developed.

Life is a journey, and just as travelers cross paths temporarily, so do people in our lives. There are instances when the connection, though once vibrant, starts to wane, or perhaps they never developed. As we evolve, so do our aspirations, dreams, and perspectives. In these shifts, it's imperative to be open to the idea that the closeness we once shared may not align anymore.

Loving from a distance doesn't signify rejection or indifference. Rather, it's a recognition of the uniqueness in each person's journey. Just as a bird needs space to spread its wings and soar, individuals often require space to grow and find their own path. This is where the beauty of meeting people where they are unfolds. Instead of attempting to have a relationship with them, let them be. The authenticity of love is revealed when we prioritize their well-being over our personal desires.

Within this narrative lies the hidden tale of family dynamics. Family is meant to be a sanctuary, a shelter where acceptance and understanding reign. Yet, reality can sometimes take a different turn. The ties that bind can feel like chains if they're built solely on blood connections. True family encompasses kindred spirits who uplift and cherish one another, irrespective of genetic codes. It's a truth that dawns upon us as we choose to love some relatives from a distance. We wish them well, even if the journey is separate from ours.

Navigating these complexities is a challenge that demands emotional maturity. It's tempting to cling to the familiarity of relationships, even when they no longer serve our growth. But growth often means moving away from the familiar shoreline into uncharted waters. To embark on this journey, we must embrace change and give ourselves permission to love without boundaries.

In this era of hyper-connectivity, we have the privilege to remain connected virtually even as we embrace emotional distance. Through occasional messages, calls, or shared memories, we can maintain a bridge without the weight of unhealthy expectations. It's a testament to the fact that love transcends physical presence and is rooted in genuine care and empathy.

As the chapters of our lives continue to unfold, let me ask you: Have you ever found yourself in relationships where the connection changed over time? How did you navigate the delicate balance between loving from a distance and meeting them where they are?

Navigating Relationships: Steps to Loving from a Distance | Ms. Otelia's Corner

Navigating relationships, especially those that require a certain level of distance, can be a delicate endeavor. In my experience, there are specific steps that can aid in managing these connections, particularly when they are based on mutual tolerance rather than deep affection. These interactions often occur sporadically, such as during certain events or in occasional encounters. Here are the steps I personally find useful for nurturing these relationships from a distance, which I hope will offer guidance in maintaining a tolerable relationship with those you must tolerate, just as they do with you.

Step 1: Recognize the Context
Understanding the context of these relationships is crucial. They often revolve around specific events or gatherings, and it's important to focus on the occasion itself, rather than expecting deep friendships to form.

Step 2: Cultivate Cordiality
A sincere sense of cordiality goes a long way. Warm greetings and polite conversations at gatherings or during other encounters set a positive tone.

Step 3: Discover Common Ground
Finding common interests or experiences can provide a basis for conversation, creating a connection even in limited encounters.

Step 4: Practice Active Listening
Active listening is essential. Show genuine interest in what others say, maintain eye contact, and ask thoughtful questions to demonstrate respect.

Step 5: Mindful Timing and Boundaries
Be mindful of the time spent together and respect interaction boundaries. Engage appropriately and excuse yourself when the conversation concludes.

By following these steps, you can navigate relationships with acquaintances you only meet occasionally, fostering a harmonious atmosphere even in brief interactions. These relationships may not be deeply rooted, but they are part of the diverse social landscape of your life.

Navigating Disagreements: Embracing Differences and Letting Go

Have you ever found yourself entangled in a situation where a mere difference of opinion unraveled into an unforeseen fallout? Remarkably, this fallout wasn't triggered by your actions, but rather by the reactions of the other party involved. It's a narrative as ancient as time itself – people becoming perturbed due to your perspectives not aligning with theirs. Let's dive into a chapter from my past, a chapter that etched a valuable lesson in my consciousness: while we may not control the reactions of others, we certainly hold sway over our responses.

A few years ago, I embarked on a wonderful trip to witness my extended family's vow renewal. The twist? A family member's significant other wasn't invited by them. Yet, remarkably, the family member decided to bring a different companion along. In the days following the event, or maybe a week later, I received a call from the uninvited significant other. Their intention was evident – they were seeking validation for feelings of neglect, exclusion, and a touch of embarrassment. They foresaw my support, imagining I'd align with their sentiments and engage in critiques directed at their partner's "plus one."

However, I couldn't and wouldn't acquiesce. During the event itself, an unforeseen dynamic unfolded – I experienced an unexpectedly delightful time with the "plus one" the family member had brought along. Surprisingly, we effortlessly clicked, sharing moments of laughter and, might I say, bare-assed foolishness. The genuine kindness of the "plus one" fostered a connection I hadn't foreseen.

Back to the telephone conversation with the significant other; as it progressed, they made a statement that jolted me. It prompted me to pose a pointed question, whose answer led to an unfiltered response on my part. While I couldn't align with their perspective, they seemed "shook" by my candid honesty, prompting them to sever ties with me. My response? Utterly unfazed.

This incident, now a distant memory, imparted a crucial lesson – we can't control how people react when our opinions deviate from theirs. Just as we all form our own opinions about people, places, and things, we must recognize that others will do the same about us.

In the aftermath, the partner's decision to sever ties held no sway over me. Essentially, they're granting me free space in their head by being upset with me. The brevity of life cautions us against investing undue focus on those whose opinions and perspectives differ from ours.

So, how do we navigate the intricate terrain of conflicting opinions? It begins with acknowledging that the diversity of thoughts enriches our world. Mutual respect for differences should strengthen our interactions. While we can't dictate how others perceive us, we constantly wield the power to respond with grace and empathy – perhaps just a dash of empathy.

Remember, clashes of opinion will invariably arise, and emotions may cloud judgment. The real strength lies in embracing disparities, standing steadfast while respecting others, and bestowing upon those wrestling with diverse viewpoints the autonomy to chart their own course.

Has a similar scenario unfolded in your life? How did you handle it? Feel free to share your experiences and insights in the comments below. Together, we'll learn and grow!